
i can see a clearing from my bedroom window
I can see a clearing from my bedroom window.
From the 2nd story of my small white house
When the sun is expelling her last few yellow breaths into the sky,
And if there are just a few straggling whispy clouds floating in blue
And the ocean waters down below the cliff have all gone completely still
So that not even silence will shuffle his feet
There,
Down passed the crumbling cliffs,
And racing out over the reflective desert of ocean
Right at the horizon, where the sunset pink kisses expansive blue
Between their contact, like a thin keyhole
If I squink
I can see through
And I see a clearing
There,
There’s a pond in the middle of a forest
With pink waters that drip upward and spread onto shore
And little green cattails that open and close for breath
Frogs that exist in mid-hop forever
And dragonflies that are always waiting to flap their wings for the first time
Fish who swim to stay in the water
And owls whose feathers rustle like leaves
The songs of birds sway like rubber bands
And echo like ripples of water
I feel desire on my tongue
And embarrassment above my knee
I feel like a visitor here, this is not my world
I feel uneasy, I have not known this place
I would not be here unless I was wanted, but I do not know how I fit
So my eyes drink the clearing in through a straw while my skin pores pucker and close
I’m
.....
afraid….
There is a deep and violet midnight hue that blankets over everything
It is chilled
It is slow
It has a rich thickness
And to be honest, it mumbles a little
But ribbons of noon light cut through its soft skin
Here, daylight swims like eels in water
It moves
And it moves with alive intention
It is quiet and quick and mischievous
It is flexible and limber and wags as it wishes
And although it is insatiably curious
It is not intrusive, it does not demand entrance into your eyes
It approaches with caution and care
And delivers an offering of its heat to show peace
With a bow of my head I grant it entrance
And with excited respect it swims into my eyes
Like a beam of sun ripping into a dark cave
The inside of my skull is breathed with orange
It is massaged into the backs of my eyes
My jaw is infused with a melting
So that the corners of my teeth are pricked with embers
The cobwebs of my mind are turned to strawberry juice
And my head receives air
And as this light,
like a car following little yellow lines in the night,
slides down the skin of my spine
I am touched from the inside
I heat throughout
My skin expands like the metal of a furnace
And my feet are pushed away by a kiss from the grass beneath me
The light swims through my heart
And it is delivered some great heat
And on its next beat
It beats warm.
My skin grabs at itself
It loved from inside itself, it is loved by itself
And pumps that honey through my blood
I have never known warmth like this
It is a moment like --
When I was so sure I’d been warm before, but when
I touched you for the first time I realized how much of
life I had lived in chill
I lose track of where you are in my body
Because I notice my feet are no longer on the ground….
I am leaning a bit backwards, as if I was lying in a lounge chair on the beach with my knees up
And I’m slowly turning further backwards
I see the trees behind me
And then I watch as they turn upside down
And my head is now pointing towards the floor
Looking at the grass from above,
It looks a lot like a ceiling
And from this angle
It does look like the grass is being pulled down towards me
Being pulled up?
I’m not sure
I reach out my hand to touch it
It quivers, like its smelling me
Testing me
It rustles itself around me
And begins to climb up my fingers
But its hesitation leaves our interaction
As I’m still turning and my hand is pulled away from it
It reaches after me, hopelessly
Almost
And now I’m flat
A few inches above the ground looking down
Floating parallel to the Earth
Parallel….
I had a teacher in 4th grade who taught us about parallel lines as
lines that would never touch even if they went on for and infinite amount of time
that if they were even a millimeter in a different angle, the two lines would touch eventually
But if they’re perfectly in tune,
If they’re perfectly harmonious
Never in all of infinity would they ever get to touch each other
So in that moment of parallel
I felt myself
Looking right into the face of Earth,
Right into her pores
And her into mine
And I felt that I would never be able to touch her
For all of infinity.
My heart beat crushed ice
My body began to crack
Like a vase decaying in blood
My skin split and my bones slid apart
My body drifted away from itself and my insides of light and ice spilled in every direction like little marbles
My eyes each split in two
Which doubled my vision
My ears drifted away from each other
So I could hear wider
My skin covered more territory than before
And my nerves began to taste exoctic distances
Suddenly, I noticed my right finger was 20 miles away from my left kneecap
Which was shocking.
And then when I tried to locate my eyelashes I found they were each lightyears apart
Which was….
….a lot
I just had never experienced this many things before!
I didn’t know how to!
My toenails were in lava
My head hairs were in empty space
My bull vertebrae was drifting through William H. Macy’s kitchen
My first kiss was approaching a black hole
My name was circling an asteroid
And my heart was beating across the whole Milky Way
Vibrating every atom and star
Needless to say, there was a lot to focus on
And switching where I was paying attention to meant traversing the fabric of the universe
I got nervous
I got afraid
I couldn’t recall what it felt like to be one thing
Though I swear at one point I felt like it
But,
Ugh, I’m getting frustrated, I can’t think s t raight
So I’ll try focusing on just one point and stick there
One….
Point….
No….
Not there….
Not quite….
But….
oh!
something like..
..
.. .. .
. .
-- maybe there? ---
no no that’s t oo
far
__--..
how ab
o
,, ut
,,,,
. . .
/ / …./
breathing
yeah
breathing
and i’ll just
think of….. …. . … ……… . . …… …… … … .
you……… ………………………… …………… . …………….. …… …………….. ... …………… ……… …………… ......... … ....... ……… ……… …………… .............………….... ……………………….andme……………………………………………………......................…………..together.......................…………............................................……..holdingeachother………………….........................………………………............………………….....................inyour………………………………………………………………..bed……………………………………………………… .................................... ........................ ................................................................................
.......................................................................................................oh………..wow……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….likethat…………………………………………….itfeelslikethat………………………………………ok………………………............................…….......................................................…okay…………………………… ……….. …. .. … ……… …. .. . …. … . . . .. . .......................... ..... . ...... .......... ... ... .... .. . . .. . . .... . . ... . . ... .... . .. . . .
… .
. .
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. .
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....
oh
..
!
,,